Jesus Smokes

Marlboro

"A cigarette for dirtbags because they taste like tree bark and alot of rednecks smoke them."

Some black people call Marlboro's "cowboy killers", suggesting that they are a predominately white cigarette. Also "white trash females who date black guys" (as if that's some sort of indicator s to their character), goths nd ravers when no one is watching, frat guys and jocks, casino-going Asians, French youth, and people with a liberal arts education. All this adds up to Marlboro being number one brand of cigarettes in the whole wide world.

The company is Philip Morris and the brand is named for a street in London. It was launched in the US 1924, targeting women with the phrase "mild as may". In the 50's they switched Marls to be a men's cigarette when a lung cancer study came out and they discovered that men were less embarrassed to smoke than women.

Another fun fact about Marls is the rumored packaging markings which indicated ownership of the KKK. This matched up with the whispers of Philip Morris (the founder not the entire company) being a member. 

It's hard to discern what these taste like. There are a lot of vague reviews out there. I gather that the different varieties are all distinctly different, but it sounds like a very classic cigarette.

• Marlboro Reds (Full Flavor): Kings, 100s and 72 mm box
  
• Marlboro Medium: Kings and 100s
  
• Marlboro Lights: Kings, 100s, and 72 mm box
  
• Marlboro Ultra Lights: Kings and 100s
  
• Marlboro Menthol: Kings,100s, and 72 mm box
  
• Marlboro Menthol Lights: Kings and 100s
  
• Marlboro Menthol Ultra Lights: Kings and 100s
  
• Marlboro Menthol Milds: Kings,100s, and 72 mm box
  
• Marlboro Blend 29
  
• Marlboro Wides
  
• Marlboro Filter Plus
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

Virginia Slims

I hear that smokers of Virginia Slims include old ladies, bank tellers, "women who wear sneakers with their business suits", mid-40's females, people with drinking problems, women who wear too much make up and 1980s shoulder pads, and divorcees who call them "Vagina Slims". Also Realtors.

... So, not a cool cigarette at all.

The brand was introduced to young women in 1968 rocking the slogan "You've come a long way, baby". Since then, they have continued to use Women's Lib as a selling point.

Virginia Slims are far narrower than most other cigarettes and their taste is a mystery to me as the reviews are vague and mostly filled with childhood memories of stealing them from grannies purse. 

Except I did find this:

These mysteriously un-classy cigarettes are made by Philip Morris. They come in seven varieties, but I'm not getting into it since they're cheap and creepy.

Winston

Made by good old RJ Reynolds Company, Winstons have been around since 1954 and became popular with the slogan of "Winston tastes good like a cigarette should". Like Spirits, they are now additive free. According to a couple of online forums, liberal, intellectual, stoner, mid-20's females are the main consumer of Winston cigarettes in US. 

They come in Red (Full Flavor), Gold (Light), and White (Ultra Light). Consumer reviews tell me that they give a good "burn effect" and go down smooth, tasting "like Marlboro Light should". They're sweeter than a Camel with more tar than many other cigarettes.

I liked this review:

I discovered Winston by bumming one from an old crusty guy I used to work with. Definitely deserves the stereotype. A little cheap tasting, but one of the strongest full flavor cigarettes available, with a wooden, almost mulchy taste. I suppose the heaviness is what attracts people to the brand, but it's difficult for me to enjoy smoking them regularly.

This was an ad from the 1960s: 

 Winstons deserve a chance as they were the leading brand in America from 1966 to 1972. They're also really popular in Puerto Rico and are advertised and "salsa sensual".

Lucky Strike

Lucky Strikes always struck me as kind of cool, maybe it's the name, maybe it's the occasional pop culture reference. I've never seen a pack though, I don't even recall seeing them behind the check out counter anywhere.

They're made by R.J. Reynolds and British American Tobacco. The brand was first introduced in 1871 as cut-plug chewing tobacco, and then later made into a cigarette. In the early 20's the slogan "It's Toasted!" became popular for the cigarette, informing customers that the tobacco was toasted instead of sun-dried. In the late 20's it was sold as a weight-loss strategy for women using phrases like "Reach for a Lucky instead of a sweet." to sell the product. This campaign caused sales to grow by 300% and 40 billion cigarettes were sold in 1930 as opposed to the 14 billion in 1925. 

Other notable marketing has included the use of He Pingping (the world smallest man) in a 2007 advertisement.

Lucky Strikes are said to be strong but pleasantly sweet. They only come in Classic and Filtered varieties. Apparently, no one in my generation smokes them, just WWII vets.

Kamel

This are supposed to exist.

I head that "Goth girls smoke Kamels".

I also heard they were an alright brand, flavor-wise.

However, I can't find them anywhere online.

I will have to ask around and get back to you.

American Spirit

Truly the cigarette of America's rebellious youth. This cigarette is for that kid who's to cool not to smoke- but to modern not smoke organically. Smoking a Spirit makes you go "hey, I'm cool, I damage my lungs and appropriate Native American culture ironically". This may be partially due to many pop culture references to the cigarette, including those seen on Weeds or in Kill Bill

The brand is so stereotyped to hipsters that there are even multiple "hipster trap" photographs to be found, with a bear traps filled with items hipsters could not resist.

American Spirit logos have also been incorporated into the hipster-sweater meme in which teenagers (usually on Tumblr) photo shop ironic images (like that of wolves and Kurt Cobain) unto the a sweater.

 Anyway, enough with the criticism, my mother smokes these, and it is nice that they come in organic, I suppose. The cigarettes are manufactured by Santa Fe Natural Tobacco Company, which was founded in 1982. 

Spirits are marketed as "100% Additive Free", and while this is true, the smoke is still laden with toxic chemicals and the product is no less addictive.

Packs of Spirits can be identified as follows:

Blue = Full Bodied

Balanced = Sage

Mellow = Yellow

Smooth Mellow = Orange

Non Filter = Brown

Organic Full-Bodied = Maroon

Organic Mellow =  Gold

Perique Rich Robust =  Black

Perique Rich = Gray

US Grown Full-Bodied = Dark Blue

US Grown Mellow  = Tan

Menthol Full-Bodied = Dark Green

Menthol Mellow = Green

There are also roll-your-own varieties, but you'll rarely see those out on the street, so I won't both giving you the color codes.

American Spirits are the first tobacco company to promise not to test on animals.

Dorals

Apparently, these are so awful they shouldn't be tried. I don't know anyone who smokes them, but I hear it's mostly low-income folks. Supposedly they taste like perfume. People hate Dorals so much that they dont even post about it on Tumblr. When you try to find the norm "sexploitive" advertisements or endorsments by famous people, you only find (what seems to be) teenager girls posing for porn.

They are made and marketed by R.J. Reynolds- same as Camels and come in these varieties and flavors:

• Red (Full Flavor)
• Gold (Lights)
• Silver (Ultra Lights)
• Menthol (Full Flavor)
• Menthol Gold (Lights)

Camels

The Camel cigarette has been produced since 1913 by R.J. Reynolds Company. Today Camels are usually a blend of Turkish and Virginia tobacco. At the time of its invention, most smokers preferred to roll their own cigarettes, but Reynolds worked to create a more desirable product wrapped in Turkish paper, imitating an Egyptian cigarette. He blended milder tobacco in contrast to the harsher seeming rival brands of the time. He undercut other cigarette companies with the cost and within a single yer he had already sold 425 million packs.

Camels were promoted in advance, mimicking the Scottish folk song "The Campbells Are Coming" but the word "campbells" was replaced with "camels". The also had a circus camel "Old Joe" go through town distributing Camels. However, "Joe Camel" was only introduced in 1987 as the mascot of the brand. Just four years later, the American Medical Association published a study stating that American five and six year old's were more likely to recognize Joe Camel than Barbie, Fred Flintstone. Mickey Mouse, or Bugs Bunny. After a few years and lawsuits, the company switched to a more adult-themed advertising campaign with sexy women dressed in 30's style clothing.

Still Life with Woodpecker by Tom Robbins describes a pack of Camels as your best friend in prison. The cover art of the book is a likeness to a pack as it is said to be "a love story that happens inside a pack of cigarettes".


US varieties
Camel Unfiltered
Camel Filters
Camel Filters Wides
Camel Filters 99's
Camel Blue (Lights)
Camel Blue Wides (Lights)
Camel Blue 99's (Lights)
Camel Platinum (Silver) (Ultra Lights)
Camel Platinum (Silver) 99's (Ultra Lights)
Camel Menthol
Camel Menthol Wides
Camel Menthol Silver (Lights)
Camel Menthol Green Wides (Lights)
Camel Crush
Camel Crush Bold
Camel Turkish Royal (full flavor blend)
Camel Turkish Gold (lights blend)
Camel Turkish Silver (ultra lights blend)
Camel No. 9
Camel No. 9 100's
Camel No. 9 Menthe
Camel No. 9 Menthe 100's
Camel Special Blend Lights
Camel Special Blend Lights 100's
Kamel Red(varies)
Kamel Red Lights(varies)
Camel Signature Mellow(varies)
Camel Signature Robust(varies)
Kooky Sounding Discontinued US varieties
Camel Signature Infused
Camel Signature Frost
Camel Izmir Stinger
Camel Basma
Camel Dark Mint
Camel Mandarin Mint
Camel Samsun
Camel Cinnzabar
Camel Twist
Camel Rare
Camel Rare Menthol
Camel Mandalay Lime
Camel Aegean Spice
Camel Bayou Blast
Camel Beach Breezer
Camel Margarita Mixer
Camel Midnight Madness
Camel Back Alley Blend
Camel Kauai Kolada
Camel Crema
Camel Twista Lime
Camel Warm Winter Toffee
Camel Winter Mocha Mint Camel Turkish Jade

International varieties
Camel Black (South Africa)
Camel Full Flavour (South Africa) (Previously Camel Mild)
Camel Natural (South Africa)
Camel Nutty Menthol (Japan) Camel One (Ukraine)
Camel Orange (Medium) (Ukraine)
Camel Super Lights (South Africa)
Camel White (South Africa)



Menthol capsule varieties
(these have a small bead in the filter filled with a menthol liquid. When crushed, the liquid is released into the filter giving the smoker extra menthol)
Camel Crush - Camel Light becomes a Camel Menthol Light
Camel Crush Bold - Bold becomes menthol
Camel Menthol- Adds an additional amount of menthol flavoring to the cigarette.
Camel Menthol Silver (Light) - Adds an additional amount of menthol flavoring to the cigarette.
Snus
Camel Mellow
Camel Robust
Camel Frost
Camel Winterchill
Camel Original Portion (Sweden/Norway only)
Camel White Portion (Sweden/Norway only)



Dip
Camel Dark Milled (fine cut)
Camel Wintergreen Wide Cut (long cut)
Camel Wintergreen Pouches

Apparently people who want to be unique smoke Camels, and there are very few other sterotypes available on the internet.

Bonnie (of Bonnie and Clyde) smoked them relentlessly, as well as my mother before she had me.

An interesting additional resource on Camels is this.

Parliments

According to Urban Dictionary, Parliaments are smoked "predominately by 20- and 30-something sluts", but I'm more familiar with the stereotype of hipsters and white "indie kids" smoking them, though I've never met someone who does. The hipsters most likely like them because they are so rare making only 1.7% of  Philip Morris Company's sales. They are popular with well-to-do 20-plus folks.

US Varieties:

• Blue Pack (Full Flavor) Kings - Box
• White Pack (Lights) Kings - Soft and Box
• White Pack (Lights) 100's - Soft and Box
• Silver Pack (Ultra Lights) Kings - Box

The cigarettes are also sold in Israel, Kazakhstan, Russia, Turkey, Saudi Arabia, Argentina, Ukraine, Montenegro, and Japan, and different vrieties may be found in those parts.

A poem by this girl about Parliaments suggests that hipsters do in fact smoke this cigarette.

Dreaming of;

Feet dangling from the edge of a cliff

Frank Ocean Playing from my car

Ocean beneath my feet

Pack of parliaments

Fat sac of Heavenly Kush

And a boat full of people approaching, full of people who all share the same wish:

To get away from Society, Money, People, and find a land for the few sincere people who exist these days, where we’d start a new way of life.

Parliaments are characterized with a sharp, tangy flavor and are only made from "first class tobacco" (According to a website that tried to sell them to me). They have a unique special filter-mouthpiece that cools the smoke and supposedly adds to the taste. The filters have been rumored to be designed for recreational cocaine snorting but the company stands by the statement that they decrease the "tar content".

Parliaments are represented by some pretty cool folks and have great ads:

US Varieties:

• Blue Pack (Full Flavor) Kings - Box
• White Pack (Lights) Kings - Soft and Box
• White Pack (Lights) 100's - Soft and Box
• Silver Pack (Ultra Lights) Kings - Box

The cigarettes are also sold in Israel, Kazakhstan, Russia, Turkey, Saudi Arabia, Argentina, Ukraine, Montenegro, and Japan, and different vrieties may be found in those parts.

Parliaments are represented by some pretty cool folks and have great ads:

Newports

[Stereotypical association: African Americans]

Introduced in 1957, Newports are comprise of 35% of menthol cigarettes sold in the United States. The 49.5% of Newport consumers are African American, so they're a  pretty gansta cigarette. They are also among the most expensive major brands of cigarettes in the US, so if you're broke, you might want to opt for Camel Cools which are about three dollars cheaper and have even more menthol. 

In the mid 1980s, Newport began an advertising campaign that courted African Americans in urban areas. In two years, Newports became the fifth most popular cigarette on the market. However, it seems that even in their early years, Newports were marketed to black people in housing projects. There was  even a  lawsuit against them for distributing cigarettes to children it ghettos. Studies have indicated that between the years of '89 and '96 the percentage of teen Newport smokers has doubled with an increase in Hispanic and white consumption.

Newports have higher nicotine that unfiltered Camels and come in a couple of varieties: Full Flavor, Medium, and Lights. But in 2010, due to the new FDA Tobacco Regulations, the terms "Full Flavor", "Medium", "Light", "Mild", and "Ultra Light" had to been discontinued.

Newport Box (Full Flavor)
Newport Box 100s (Full Flavor 100s)
Newport Menthol Blue (Medium)
Newport Menthol Blue 100s (Medium 100s)
Newport Menthol Gold (Light)
Newport Menthol Gold 100s (Light 100s)
Newport Non-Menthol
Newport Non-Menthol 100s

Non-menthol Newports in Full Flavor and Lights were sold in United States during the mid to late 1990s but were discontinued until November 2010 in which they re-released them in order to keep up with the non-menthol cigarette smokers. The packs are identical to standard menthol Newports except the turquoise area was red on the Full Flavors and mustard-yellow on the Lights. 


Each variety is sold in 85mm soft packs (aka king size), 80mm hard packs (box), and 100mm soft and hard packs. They are available in standard packs of 20 cigarettes, plus the  unusual 25s, containing 25 cigarettes. They used to be sold in ten-packs too.