Jesus Smokes

Marlboro

"A cigarette for dirtbags because they taste like tree bark and alot of rednecks smoke them."

Some black people call Marlboro's "cowboy killers", suggesting that they are a predominately white cigarette. Also "white trash females who date black guys" (as if that's some sort of indicator s to their character), goths nd ravers when no one is watching, frat guys and jocks, casino-going Asians, French youth, and people with a liberal arts education. All this adds up to Marlboro being number one brand of cigarettes in the whole wide world.

The company is Philip Morris and the brand is named for a street in London. It was launched in the US 1924, targeting women with the phrase "mild as may". In the 50's they switched Marls to be a men's cigarette when a lung cancer study came out and they discovered that men were less embarrassed to smoke than women.

Another fun fact about Marls is the rumored packaging markings which indicated ownership of the KKK. This matched up with the whispers of Philip Morris (the founder not the entire company) being a member. 

It's hard to discern what these taste like. There are a lot of vague reviews out there. I gather that the different varieties are all distinctly different, but it sounds like a very classic cigarette.

• Marlboro Reds (Full Flavor): Kings, 100s and 72 mm box
  
• Marlboro Medium: Kings and 100s
  
• Marlboro Lights: Kings, 100s, and 72 mm box
  
• Marlboro Ultra Lights: Kings and 100s
  
• Marlboro Menthol: Kings,100s, and 72 mm box
  
• Marlboro Menthol Lights: Kings and 100s
  
• Marlboro Menthol Ultra Lights: Kings and 100s
  
• Marlboro Menthol Milds: Kings,100s, and 72 mm box
  
• Marlboro Blend 29
  
• Marlboro Wides
  
• Marlboro Filter Plus
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

Virginia Slims

I hear that smokers of Virginia Slims include old ladies, bank tellers, "women who wear sneakers with their business suits", mid-40's females, people with drinking problems, women who wear too much make up and 1980s shoulder pads, and divorcees who call them "Vagina Slims". Also Realtors.

... So, not a cool cigarette at all.

The brand was introduced to young women in 1968 rocking the slogan "You've come a long way, baby". Since then, they have continued to use Women's Lib as a selling point.

Virginia Slims are far narrower than most other cigarettes and their taste is a mystery to me as the reviews are vague and mostly filled with childhood memories of stealing them from grannies purse. 

Except I did find this:

These mysteriously un-classy cigarettes are made by Philip Morris. They come in seven varieties, but I'm not getting into it since they're cheap and creepy.

Winston

Made by good old RJ Reynolds Company, Winstons have been around since 1954 and became popular with the slogan of "Winston tastes good like a cigarette should". Like Spirits, they are now additive free. According to a couple of online forums, liberal, intellectual, stoner, mid-20's females are the main consumer of Winston cigarettes in US. 

They come in Red (Full Flavor), Gold (Light), and White (Ultra Light). Consumer reviews tell me that they give a good "burn effect" and go down smooth, tasting "like Marlboro Light should". They're sweeter than a Camel with more tar than many other cigarettes.

I liked this review:

I discovered Winston by bumming one from an old crusty guy I used to work with. Definitely deserves the stereotype. A little cheap tasting, but one of the strongest full flavor cigarettes available, with a wooden, almost mulchy taste. I suppose the heaviness is what attracts people to the brand, but it's difficult for me to enjoy smoking them regularly.

This was an ad from the 1960s: 

 Winstons deserve a chance as they were the leading brand in America from 1966 to 1972. They're also really popular in Puerto Rico and are advertised and "salsa sensual".

Lucky Strike

Lucky Strikes always struck me as kind of cool, maybe it's the name, maybe it's the occasional pop culture reference. I've never seen a pack though, I don't even recall seeing them behind the check out counter anywhere.

They're made by R.J. Reynolds and British American Tobacco. The brand was first introduced in 1871 as cut-plug chewing tobacco, and then later made into a cigarette. In the early 20's the slogan "It's Toasted!" became popular for the cigarette, informing customers that the tobacco was toasted instead of sun-dried. In the late 20's it was sold as a weight-loss strategy for women using phrases like "Reach for a Lucky instead of a sweet." to sell the product. This campaign caused sales to grow by 300% and 40 billion cigarettes were sold in 1930 as opposed to the 14 billion in 1925. 

Other notable marketing has included the use of He Pingping (the world smallest man) in a 2007 advertisement.

Lucky Strikes are said to be strong but pleasantly sweet. They only come in Classic and Filtered varieties. Apparently, no one in my generation smokes them, just WWII vets.

Kamel

This are supposed to exist.

I head that "Goth girls smoke Kamels".

I also heard they were an alright brand, flavor-wise.

However, I can't find them anywhere online.

I will have to ask around and get back to you.

American Spirit

Truly the cigarette of America's rebellious youth. This cigarette is for that kid who's to cool not to smoke- but to modern not smoke organically. Smoking a Spirit makes you go "hey, I'm cool, I damage my lungs and appropriate Native American culture ironically". This may be partially due to many pop culture references to the cigarette, including those seen on Weeds or in Kill Bill

The brand is so stereotyped to hipsters that there are even multiple "hipster trap" photographs to be found, with a bear traps filled with items hipsters could not resist.

American Spirit logos have also been incorporated into the hipster-sweater meme in which teenagers (usually on Tumblr) photo shop ironic images (like that of wolves and Kurt Cobain) unto the a sweater.

 Anyway, enough with the criticism, my mother smokes these, and it is nice that they come in organic, I suppose. The cigarettes are manufactured by Santa Fe Natural Tobacco Company, which was founded in 1982. 

Spirits are marketed as "100% Additive Free", and while this is true, the smoke is still laden with toxic chemicals and the product is no less addictive.

Packs of Spirits can be identified as follows:

Blue = Full Bodied

Balanced = Sage

Mellow = Yellow

Smooth Mellow = Orange

Non Filter = Brown

Organic Full-Bodied = Maroon

Organic Mellow =  Gold

Perique Rich Robust =  Black

Perique Rich = Gray

US Grown Full-Bodied = Dark Blue

US Grown Mellow  = Tan

Menthol Full-Bodied = Dark Green

Menthol Mellow = Green

There are also roll-your-own varieties, but you'll rarely see those out on the street, so I won't both giving you the color codes.

American Spirits are the first tobacco company to promise not to test on animals.